tired

... of being out there and yet going nowhere
... of always making the wrong moves
... of not handling my cards right
... of having my hands tied
... of waiting
...... dreaming
...... wanting

typing my jumbled thoughts away

(mitzi, i know you'd go through this entry again thinking that i didn't follow your advice of using capital letters and all. sorry, my friend but this is my blogging style. don't worry i know how to do it the proper way. i just love the liberty of typing as thoughts come into my head without thinking whether i'm doing it the proper way or not. so, bear with me Ma'am ;-p )


lately i've been thinking if i really wanna get married. i so love the feeling of waking up just with this




i love the freedom of not having to cook or tend to anybody but then isn't that selfishness? i know time will come when i would want to be with someone for good, to wake up with him and all but for now let me bask on this liberty and bliss called SINGLENESS.

update on quint, we had a short talk last night and we got confused about our scheduled 'date'. the last time we talk he asked for my work sched and he gave me his, so we set a date on when we would see each other again but then we got mixed up. i didn't know that we were supposed to see each other yesterday until he told me last night. good thing he got tied up on something that he also couldn't make it to our set date, he said sorry and i said ok not letting him know that i didn't even know that we had a date. hehehe

i know him too well, i know that it would make him feel bad that i forgot. quint and i have known each other for close to 5 years already (but he keeps on saying that it's 20) and boy we've been through a lot. i left him twice for schatz, he took me back the first time i did it but the second time there's no way for me to come back anymore but we've never lost touch. so what's our status now? it's complicated! we both say that we still love each other but for now it's not wise for us to go into a relationship again. not the type that we once had. it's tiring, frustrating, mind-boggling, etc. so i'd rather keep things this way, OPEN.

besides, i've got lots of stuff going on in my life right now. i just need a guy when things are slow (am i bad?!) nah, just being realistic. where will i put him with the current activities? and i'm ok. i'm happy. my sister who just left for FL just over a month ago to get married is already saying that she's having a hard time already. she's thinking that she and the guy might not last. isn't that sad? it's just been over a month and she's already having those thoughts. do i want that type of heartache? yeah, i get lonely at times but it's so easy to get over that sense of sadness but it's different when you're married to it ;-p.

is this GOD's way of preparing me for singleness? getting me to accept facts with a peaceful heart. but u know what my primary struggle will be? it's the physical longing of the deepest kind. i am a full-blooded-passionate-female. and i'm not ashamed to admit that i love doing it. how do i deal with that if i remain single?

my Quinty

i am still so into him, that i discovered. he could still make my eyes shine and my smile sparkle. he makes me feel beautiful just by the way he looks at me. and it looks like we're gonna see more of each other again and then he said....

"I LOVE YOU, Baby."

whew

life's a gazillion of things to do. i was awake for 48 hours straight but i'm happy, fulfilled even. yeah, i have a full life and i've got GOD to thank for all that. GOD's really good and it amazes me how HE works. for one, i've this friend whom i've been inviting to church for years already that we often argue about it. so, i stopped asking her to come with me but she knows of my activities and all. then out of the blue sometime last month she sent me a message telling me that she's now willing to come to church with me. and so she did and she liked it! she's even willing to meet and have lunch with my church friends.

my prayer now is that it reaches her heart and not just her head. i once read that the farthest distance is the one from the head to the heart. what do i mean, well u could know about my belief, JESUS and could even memorize the bible but if it doesn't give u the desire to have a personal relationship with HIM then it's all for nothing. it will just be all head knowledge and that won't do a thing for u at all.

i'm looking forward to the day when she'll get to experience what it's like to have that relationship with my Savior.