caffeine overdose

i should be sleeping by now but after 3 tall glasses of iced-tea and a big cup of coffee, who could sleep? i had a date with the girls again for the 2nd part of our dg planning, first part was last sunday. we could've finished it last sunday if not for the endless stories, eating and other kakiyans.but it was fun because there are new characters in annie's and kate's lives. that's something! it's high time for that because it's a new year already, we should leave the ghosts of years past behind.

tonight's meeting was equally fun though there's a touch of sadness when we had to tell annie our points of view about the recent happening in her life. well, it's better to nip it in the bud... we don't want her to get terribly hurt in the end. i could see the pain in her eyes as early as now, even when nothing's happening yet. there's no future with that guy unless our DAD changes the guy's heart but annie shouldn’t have been involved in that process. we should stop having this 'messianic attitude'. if he's meant to be saved then DAD will do something about it and HE doesn't need our help on that especially if our heart's the one that's at stake. yeah, we should get involved in bringing other people to Christ but it's on a case to case basis. like for example in annie's situation, it's better to just introduce the guy to some of her guy friends and let them lead him to GOD because if she's the one who'll do it she'll be putting her heart on the line... what if the guy doesn't want to have that relationship with GOD? she'll just get hurt in the end because it will not do her any good if she keeps on with the relationship.

some would say that we're being judgmental here, that things could still work even if they have different beliefs/faith. true, it could work but if your relationship with GOD is the most important part of your being and if u love HIM like u say u do then u wouldn't want to hurt HIM by being a disobedient daughter. and HE gave us this commandment for our own protection.... there's a consequence for every choice that we make and some of the consequences of marrying somebody who doesn't have the same belief or doesn't have a close relationship with GOD are these;

1) when you're excited about what GOD has done in your life or what HE's currently doing you won't be able to discuss it with him because he won't know what you're talking about

2) it's good to grow with the LORD with someone u love

3) raising the kids; if u two have different beliefs then where would the kids go on sunday?


well, these are just some of the issues that u would encounter if you go for someone who doesn't have the same relationship with ur GOD.

and i cried and cried and cried

i was never good with letting go and it's true what they say, you'll never realize how important someone is until that person's already gone. and i never thought i would miss her this much. and i worried a lot too. i never stopped praying for God to keep her safe coz she's traveling alone. she's never been alone all her life and now she's going to a different country on her own.

yes, i'm missing my sister soooo much that i can't help but cry every time i see her stuffs lying around. nobody would criticize me anymore, no one to tell stories to when i get home, no more squabbles, no more waiting in line to use the bathroom, etc. but i'm happy for her as well, if only i could get past this melancholic stage fast.

in retrospect, i really wish i would've done more for her. spent more, hugged her more, etc. u see, i might not see her again. :-( pls Lord, let me see her again.

sickly

been having fever on and off since last wednesday, so i finally went and saw a doctor yesterday only to confirm my self-diagnosis, Urinary Tract Infection. and have u heard of hospital's certain SOP's, can't u say no to those sometimes weird ones? like for example having me take a pregnancy test? i was like, "What?" i know i'm not doing anything that should require me to take one but the doctor still insisted saying that it's the hospital's SOP. when the nurse got the result she even went to me and said, "Ma'am, it's negative!" I then said, "Of course!" and laughed, couldn't help it coz having me take one is already absurd.

oh well, i really wish i could have at least 3 more days of bed rest before i get back to work but unfortunately the doctor only advised to take a day though he asked me if i wanna be admitted. if not for the gazillion of things that i need to finish i would've said yes. but on second thought, i should've said yes since i'm not gonna pay for anything anyways and i could bring my laptop there and be able to finish everything.

tsk....tsk.

coming to terms

it's not that i got tired of waiting already and no, i'm not giving up just yet but now i wanna put things on their proper perspective. i don't wanna waste anymore time wondering when the dream will come. i don't wanna muse about it any more than i've already done in the past years. it's becoming overstated. talking about it just makes it bigger than it really is. instead of talking about what we don't have or what we thought we're missing why not count the things or the privileges that we have being the way we are. say if you're waiting for years already why not count the things that you were able to accomplish just because you're in the state that you're in right now.

had you been married, would you be able to enjoy the friends that you now have? will u even meet them? will u be able to buy that gadget that oh u so want? or will u even know how to use one? won't we go crazy taking care of the kids and a husband without having some time for myself? will he even give u time to be out and go home whenever u want to? am i ready to forgo that freedom?

some may think that i'm just bitter or jaded that's why i'm saying all these... nah, i'm trying to come to terms with my being single. and honestly i don't think i'm soooo ready for the chaos that married life is.

don't get me wrong, i still want to get married someday but i won't muse much about that day anymore. FATHER knows best... HE knows when's the best time to give HIS daughter away.

for now, i should try and enjoy the freedom and the serenity that single life brings.

new beginnings

new year, another clean slate. this time's my reminiscing time though; so what do i have to thank GOD for in 2008? a lot! my job, new and old friends, good health, financial, material and spiritual blessings and of course MY GOD. one thing i've realized, no matter how much financial and material blessings you have if your relationship with GOD is not good you can never be happy.

so for this year i'm going back to basic.