Tiring

Why do I always have to argue my way about almost everything?
Why do I need to explain everything for them to get it?
Can't something be flawlessly easy for a change?

Stunt

Today was my worst fall ever. I fell head down from a moving yet malfunctioning escalator. If I would delve on self pity, I would just continually ask the Lord why He permitted it to happen and it won't do me any good to take it on a negative light. Let me just thank the Lord that there are people right below me who were strong enough and kept me from falling all the way down and hurting even my head in the process. Had it happened that way i couldn't imagine the damage it would evoke.

Thank you, Lord for not letting that happen. Next time please don't let the stunt be that daring.

Solitude

Sick and alone. Am I going to grow old like this?

Forgotten

Why did I easily forget the feeling of unrequited love?
I wouldn't be here again, had I remembered.
It's painful, uncomfy, debilitating and hopeless.
All those just have one purpose,
... For us not to repeat the same mistake again.

But how quickly I've forgotten.

Wish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgUgmxi3mXs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Wish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgUgmxi3mXs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Ceased

He keeps on changing the game's rules.
I'm tired but I don't know how to say goodbye.

Fibs

This is not good anymore. To cover up something I had to tell lies when I know in the long run he'll learn what the truth is.

I don't like the me that I'm becoming. :(

Birthday

It's just another one of those days, boring. I treated my colleagues to a late dinner the night before my birthday and then slept the whole day today. I was hoping that he would at least greet me but that's like wishing for the moon.

I'm blue and bored. But thanks for giving me another year, Lord.

Blues

I didn't have one before my birthday last year but right now I'm already feeling it though my birthday's still a few days away.

I feel so lonely and he's one of the reasons of course. The major reason.

I wish I could be with him on that day.

Overwhelmed

Thanks for the blessings, Lord!!! I know I haven't been a good daughter but still u blessed me. I'm humbled.

Decisions

I'm still undecided whether I wanna go under the knife or not. I'm scared :(

Sometimes...

I still wish...
That I was just like everybody else..
That my struggles were not too different from theirs....
That I could do whatever I want...
... To travel to distant places and purposely get lost, dance, run, sit on the grass, go hiking...

Anything, Lord that's out of my daily routine.

Tired

Exactly how I feel

Immeasurable

Should I just harden my heart in order not to feel pain? Should I block everything that's painful? Didn't I wanna cry? I'm scared. I'm not used to it anymore.

But then my heart decided to love him without measure.

Clarity

Why do I want someone who can't give me even a drop of what I really want and need in a partner?

Sunk cost
Attraction of deprivation

Wishes

I wish I could say or do something that would erase your hatred of me. :(

Getting tired?

Ouchie

I already have my long overdue period but something's definitely wrong. First off I've been having cramps 4-5 days before this bleeding. And normally once I already have it, cramping would stop but this time it did not and as a matter of fact it even got worse. Now my lower back has this persistent ache and also in my lower abdomen.

Time to see a doctor. :(

Update:

So I went to the doctors and found out that I wasn't on the family way at all. It was actually myoma and not a baby. Though I wasn't ready for a baby at all, somehow I still wished that my inkling's true. The baby would've been my lifetime connection with him. Sadly, my wish didn't come true.

Now I have to decide whether I want to have it operated or not.

Lazy

I don't feel like doing anything. I feel so lazy. Could I be... ?

Lazing around

Minis

U might have noticed that I've been posting a lot lately. It's because of my new phone, an Xperia Z, and this bloggeroid app that I've installed. Posting's now a breeze!

I haven't turned my laptop on for months now because with my Kindle Fire and Xperia Z, who needs it?!

Argh

Cobwebs in my mind
Shackles on my soul
Spirit in shambles

...but do I regret doing it?
GOD forbid, I don't think I do. :(

The months that we were together were surreal.
Nobody would believe that we've ever done it
Even my friends doubted it at first
For close to 5 years, he was just a dream.
Could u blame me if I finally caved in?

Again the line from the movie City of Angels comes to mind,
" I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One."

I'm smitten :(

May 30

was the last time we were 'together' and I'm missing him more each day.

Pathetic.

hate

I wish the saying is true that the more you hate, the more u love. Why? Because right now he hates me so much that he doesn't even want to see me.

Why do we bring out the worst in each other? :(

Sleepless

It's only now that it has sinked in... I'm not going to the US this year.

Spent a lot and all my plans were geared towards leaving. Gotta make new ones again.

Life, once again, is a drag.

missing

U on this rainy Sunday morning

posted from Bloggeroid

sheets

Should've changed them weeks ago but I wanted to linger still. To smell u and remember the happy times. But today I did... there's no use in denying the obvious, no use in delaying the inevitable... So, I changed my sheets. Hope it signifies a fresh start.

repost

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

birthday

I wish I could spend your birthday with you.

excerpts

Some might see faith as a crutch, but really we’re all living with a crutch of some sort. If you decide that you can fill the hole of loneliness with anything but the love and peace of God, you are in essence choosing a crutch to get yourself through this world. You have to ask yourself what good it does to spin your wheels on all these other things. I’ve never met a drug addict satisfied with his or her addiction. I’ve never met someone looking for love through sex completely satisfied. I’ve never met someone enduring abuse finding peace. Everyone on the planet is doing the best they can with what they’ve got. But if He is real, if God is who He claims to be in the Scriptures, if He is the God who claims to have formed me in my mother’s inmost womb, what do I have to lose? If you’re looking for significance in anything else, take a chance on a God who spun the planets into existence. Consider a God who hurled the stars into the sky. Consider a God who told the waves when to stop and the storms when to calm. He is the only One who can turn the pain of longing into satisfaction.

crying

Cant remember the last time I did that. I so badly wanna cry now but either ive ran dry or my heart has turned into stone because however hard I try, not even a single tear would fall. Just let me cry, Lord. :(

wishes

I wish I could have the best of both worlds. I am enjoying my times with sunshine but I'm missing my God a lot. I miss my quiet moments with Him. Help me,Lord. It's so hard to strike a balance when i know i am deliberately disobeying You. I don't know how to give this up yet and please don't take it away either. I know it's so easy for You to do :( but please, don't. Be with me though because I don't know how to live life without You anymore. Stay,my Savior.

costly

In more ways than one.... Yes, got.my third chance and got to explore the wanted territories. Awesome! Cant sleep since last night

regrets

Fear, apprehension and being clueless is actually good sometimes, coz they could prevent you from doing things that u might just regret in the future. ...but I'm surely regretting not doing the thing ive wanted for quite some time now. Hope I get a 3rd chance at it.

sanity

I'm starting to question my sanity when it comes to sunshine. Why do I want this roller coaster ride? Why do I need to keep on letting myself get hurt? He will never change.

sun's shining again

Hope something comes out of it this time

wondering

where do I sink my roots, LORD?

2013

the new year didn't start well, emotially, that is. in my heart i was singing... ," it's just another new year's eve...". yeah, i was bored. i prayed and am hoping that 2013 would be more exciting and better compared to the past year.

then just days after that, i got some great news. my long time friend, who's now rich, invited me to go to the US this year. she'll give me the ticket as a birthday gift.she even told me that i could stay for good if i want to because she might hire me.

i still don't know if this is HIS will for me but am gonna start the process of preparing the documents so i could get a passport then apply for a visa. it's still in HIS hands. i'm scared but i prayed for excitement, didnt i? so this is it. hopefully, this is what He wants for me.

pray with me.