girl friends

love 'em! i don't know what i'll do without them. but though i also treasure the friendships i have with my girl friends from college it's so totally different from what i have with my christian friends.

we are each others support group. i love sharing laughter and tears with them. i love the way we understand each others struggles. we could rebuke each other openly without being hated. it's really good having them not just as friends but as sisters in Christ as well. i love the way we admonish one another and.... oh, u should see us pray for each other! and one of the most exciting parts is watching how our FATHER move in each of our lives. seeing each one of us realize our dreams and have our prayers answered.

and good news is FATHER's marrying us off one by one... it started with Camille who's already in the states together with her husband. this year we've watched jackie and ems walk down the aisle. february of next year will be maggie's turn and now she's praying for the person on whom she'll hand her bouquet to. jackie handed her bouquet to ems and ems gave hers to maggie... now it's maggie's turn. yesterday we've decided that it should be ate vi since she's the oldest.... well, it's still up to maggie. :-)

exciting! :-)

Lord, YOU are good!

after all my unfaithfulness, YOU're still there. thanks for not letting me go. for talking to me still despite my not wanting to listen most of the time. and thanks for saving me from my foolishness.

ouch

he's the only one capable of making me feel sorry both for myself and for him. every time i hurt him coz of something i've said, i end up being hurt just as much, if not more.

i don't wanna love him that much anymore.

my new toy

 

love it!

just another phase...

i know it'll come to this sooner or later. i'm glad though that this time i didn't have to wait years to know. i was hurt, alright, but then it's just another phase and GOD has used this to make me move forward and leave the past behind.

lessons learned? this incident had revealed what's really in my heart and that i'm still soooo prone to sinning. and that i really didn't love HIM as much as i should nor as much as i thought i do. this has also taught me not to be judgmental. that only by GOD's grace will i be able to fight the lure of sin. but GOD is in control and good thing HE snatched me right in time, before i let my foolishness do some damage not only to myself but more to HIS name. as a Christian, i carry HIS name and i should take care of that name.

let me not forget again that i am the KING's princess, so i should act and be treated as such. no more settling for counterfeit.

good to be back

have u ever felt so tamed that you've already forgotten what it feels like to be 'you'? i did. i became so legalistic on some areas that it's no longer normal nor enjoyable. it's good to know that GOD still loves me despite my being imperfect and that i could be myself and still glorify HIM.


as we have discussed in our Company of 3, GOD wants me to be a woman; to feel & act like one. HE made me this way so i must play the role. i could still flirt, have fun & all but i must never forget to check myself every now & then to see if what i'm doing still glorifies GOD. so, how do i strike a balance?


like in case of this new guy at work, there's nothing wrong in flirting with him but i must always keep in mind that before anything else my focus should be in introducing him to CHRIST and not on dating him. i should also check myself whether i'm already crossing the line between having fun and disobeying GOD.

in short, " Love GOD with all your heart and soul, then do what u wanna do."

much needed rest

it's good to be home for the weekends... missed my bed. spoke with mike(NJ)last night and though i've lost most of the attraction towards him, it's still good to touch base and know what's going on in each other's lives. of course i told him about this new mike at work and he asked right away if this new guy could make me laugh the way he did in the past. i don't know.... hopefully. he tried, didn't he?

so easy...

to slip away... to be turned by the tide and go back to where u once were. keep me in your arms, never let me go.

i wanna stay.

on meekness

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."

Matthew 5:5

Meekness is strength under control. It is also quiet confidence. The meek do not give in to the worldly pressures to conform. They do not perform merely to prove something. They are securely planted in God. Their only concern is that they may live a life pleasing to GOD. The meek understand their purpose in life. Their passion in life is simply to fulfill their destiny. God gladly entrusts these kind of people with great responsibility.

Reflection:

Quiet confidence, as a friend puts it, is "audience of ONE. Looks at the heart". First and foremost, we must strive on pleasing the Lord and not the world. If the world wants us to compromise our belief and purpose in life and conform to its desire, we must turn our back and follow God despite the insults that they will throw in our way.

Keep your focus on GOD and everything will fall in place. That's already been tried and tested!

i was telling God just the other day that i miss those times that He had made me cry with tears of joy and then yesterday i had that experience with Him again. But this time the tears of joy didn't come with an answered prayer.... it was totally different. He had me feel His presence, so overwhelming that it made me cry. I don't wanna sound too spiritual but He really flooded my heart with peace and joy and this quiet confidence that no matter what happens He's there.

GOD is a relational god. He wants us to experience HIM fully, everyday and every moment of our lives. There's nothing better than having HIM as your comrade.

I LOVE MY LORD!

one of the songs that really touches my heart

As The Deer

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after thee
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship thee

Chorus
You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship thee

You're my friend and You are my brother,
Even though you are a king.
I love you more thank any other,
So much more than anything.

I want You more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy Giver,
And the apple of my eye.

shower thoughts

i've been trying to show/convince my sister for weeks/months now that she could be making a grave mistake in pushing through with her relationship with her bf. yeah, their relationship's kinda rocky but at least they have a relationship.

do i want my sister to go back to where she was before; longing and waiting to be loved? maybe their relationship's not as bad as i thought. maybe i should give the guy a chance.

speaking of longing, for the past days i've been missing schatz a lot. i don't know what triggered it but it's there and it's not a good feeling at all. but this is just a passing phase... as all else, this too will pass.

awake

woke up in the middle of the night, tried going back to sleep but couldn't. instead of trying to catch more winks, i decided to blog.

just yesterday i came across this blog (through Kuya Kevin's) of a woman named Theresa. and i really admire her for being a good writer and for having the courage to discuss everything on her blog. me, i'm still a coward when it comes to that. i can't even show my whole face in here. what am i scared of anyways?

though i appear (most of the time) confident on the outside, there are still things/events that intimidate me and one of the most feared ones happened in the office the other day. and much as i didn't want to, i wore the same mask again when incidents like that happen. i remember the apostle paul saying in romans 7, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

when will i stop wearing this mask and come out in the open about it? if i've already accepted it fully, then why can't i talk about it openly?

sorrow

"Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:16

"Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness"

Psalm 30:1

Sorrow is part of life. Everyone goes through a period of sorrow and mourning. Consequently, spiritual breakthrough happens when we begin to see beyond the pain and catch the heart of God: when we attain this spiritual condition, we begin to be grieved by the same things which sadden God - sin and the lost. Our comfort only returns when we are moved enough to do something about the sin in our own lives and begin to reach out to the lost. This is the kind of mourning that turns to joy.

REFLECTION:

When we start grieving for the things that concern God that means that we have, somehow, caught the essence of God's heart. We only get comforted when we start looking beyond our hurts and pains. Just like Jesus who gave His life for us in calvary. Didn't He leave the comforts of heaven just so He could reach out to us, the lost ones. I wanna have that kind of love and compassion for the losts. To reach out to them despite discomforts and pains.

I once was lost but then He found me, that's why i wanna share this experience with those people who are not aware that our God is real and alive. And that you could fully experience Him in this life and not just in the life after.

As a Christian, I am commissioned by God to do that. No ifs, no buts. I pray that i will have the courage and the passion to obey His command to go and share the good news.

Someone asked me this, "What it is that you have that you want to share with the people around you, especially your loved ones?" And without a doubt i answered, " JESUS"

mission vision

"if the mission is serving CHRIST, the vision then is to serve HIM with you."

afternoon/early morning?

i don't have work today because of the transition at the office. had breakfast with my colleagues and went home afterwards. went to bed right after lunch and i woke up right after midnight with a headache. now i'm hungry but i need to lose weight. a guy from the office said that i'm getting bigger. :-(

dilemma of a girl! hehehe

it's my friend's birthday today, was thinking of treating her out but we haven't seen each other for months already and she's in the countryside/province, so it's really impossible to meet up on such short notice. i wonder what's happening to her now. having an affair with a married man and losing him to death afterwards really messed her up.

i'm not being judgmental, but i really don't know what those girls were thinking when they enter that type of relationship? i mean, are u expecting him to leave his wife for u? don't u feel bad about the kids that would suffer in case he really leaves his wife? is it really just about you? and u call that love? isn't that more of selfishness?

well, just my thoughts... not judging anyone but really, what were they thinking?

this song

keeps on repeating in my head for days now... will u sing with me?


BEAUTIFUL IN MY EYES

You're my peace of mind
In this crazy world
You're everything I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes

The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes

You will always be - beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.

There are lines upon my face
From a lifetime of smiles
When the time comes to embrace
For one long last while
We can laugh about, how time really flies
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes

You will always be - beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes
The passing years will show
That you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.

bits & pieces

i used to blog a lot, now i hardly have time to do this... life gets in the way somehow.

so what's going on with me? life's good and calm. there's a wedding and a wake that i had to go to, made it to the wake but not to the wedding :-( missed the traditional picture with the girls, the " ? down, ? more to go" pic that we usually take when somebody from our circle ties the knot. awwwww, i really feel bad that i missed the wedding just because of work.

been dreaming of edsel lately and based on past experiences with various people... when i dream or think of someone just out of the blue, it usually means something. i've proven that time and time again and the latest happened just today. just this morning i woke up thinking of a friend whom i haven't seen or heard from for months and it's weird when i suddenly heard from him this afternoon. and this has happened numerous times already. i wonder what's going on with edsel since i've been dreaming of him for 2 nights already.

oh well, we don't talk anymore so there's really no way of knowing that.

this i've realized...

unlearning is much harder than learning something for the first time.

agree?

Sex and the City

i don't know about you, but this movie made me cry. it's true, love could be illogical at times but when do u draw the line?

well, i guess part of the reason i cried was i could relate to carrie's pain. of all the girls there, i'm more of a 'carrie'. just like her, i find it hard to let go. didn't she love mr. big for years?

i'm a sucker for happy endings and reconciliations. LORD, please give me a happy ending with u-know-who. ;-)

going back, i think the movie's a mature version of the series. some scenes were kinda draggy but all in all it's a good one.

What's my Power Element (whatever that is!)

Your Power Element is Metal

Your power colors: white, gold, and silver Your energy: contracting Your season: fall You are persistent (and maybe even a little bit stubborn). If you see something you want, you go for it. You have a lot of strength, and it's difficult to get you down. Very logical, you tend to analyze everything going on in your life.

What's Your Power Element?

someone so fragile...

i feel my heart breaking for her. if i could just take the pain and bear it for her, i would've done so.

this could've been the right moment to say "i told u so!" but i know i shouldn't. i know she's hurting, though she didn't shed a tear while we were talking, i could feel her pain, her anxiety and all.

just take care of her, GOD. i could only do so much. YOU're the one who's in control, U know what's best for us... always remind her of that, please?

saw her

i was at this mall last friday, scared that i might run into him because that's his favorite mall. but instead of seeing him, i was side by side with the girl that i was jealous of (for no reason at all) at the ATM queue. coincidence or God's sense of humor?

good thing she doesn't know/recognize me, so i had the chance to really look at her good. she's really pretty which makes me wonder why he won't go after her. they'll be good for each other; same profession, little age gap and they're both europeans. well, only GOD knows.

heard from him yesterday... funny how the busyness made me forget contacting him for more than a month already. he updated me of the number change and all.

last saturday night, my friends and i checked in to a hotel to give one of our friends (who's getting married on the 28th) a bridal shower. we spent the whole night talking, singing, eating and just having fun. then we went to church the following morning. we should do it again! :-)

discrimination

i know that Christians will be persecuted one way or another but i still got shocked when the discrimination came from a friend. i didn't know that she dislikes Christians that much. she said that she'd rather hire people from other religions than hire a Christian. her reason? she doesn't want religious talks at work and she said that Christians have this tendency to think that they have the right to say what's right or wrong. if she despises Christians that much it makes me wonder why she always comes to me for advice.

i really feel bad about all these.

In the Presence of My Enemies

just finished reading "In the Presence of My Enemies" by Gracia Burnham, though her account of their experiences in the jungle's really heart wrenching, what really touched my heart was her love for Martin, her faith and trust in God and her forgiving spirit.

i wonder if us Christians will keep our faith if we're in that same predicament and will we be able to forgive those people who had caused us so much harm and pain?

and during those times of captivity, gracia realized that your true nature will come out once you're stripped out of everything you hold so dear.

what's really in my heart, LORD?

too much info

though i'm enjoying my work there are times when it feels like i'm having information overload already, like today. but things will be lighter after wednesday next week. can't wait for that to come! but we're gonna miss j.r., he won't be with us anymore come next week. he has this certain charm that makes everybody like him.

what else is happening to me? i've been asked by someone what will make me feel special, i didn't answer because i honestly didn't know the exact answer to that question... but a thought came to mind just tonight... i think one of the ways that you could show me that i'm special is through your being CONSISTENT. you have to walk the talk.

yeah, i require a lot because i am willing to give as much.

i kinda feel bad because a friend's already leaving tomorrow and we didn't even had the chance to meet up and do something together. i know that i haven't been around much for her but it's different this time because she's leaving and won't be back for a long time. GOD knows that i will try and make time for her despite my sched but it seems she got mad about something that i don't even know of. i tried contacting her and all but she just won't reply.

well, if you're reading this... i don't know why u got mad at me. i replied to your text message when u asked me what day/time i will be available for the following week.i'm not sure whether u got my reply way too late or u didn't get it at all but i sent u numerous text messages after that one. i also tried sending you messages through Yahoo! but it won't let me. you must've blocked me or something.i even called your house but your mom said you're still in bed. you see, i did what i could.

so i was really hurt when u sent me that forwarded message about giving up on someone. what have i done wrong?

have a safe trip though. praying for you still. Ingat!

BOOKS!

i am overwhelmed! today i received a generous gift/s from a friend. i was given not just a book but 30 pcs of books or more! my eyes almost bulged out while reading the titles, they're all good books and expensive at that. wow, what a blessing! now, i don't know what book to read first. my library's expanding, so happy about it:-)

enough of my books... i had another blissful day. i went to the worship service of course and as always my soul's been restored. our pastor spoke about the 23rd psalms. i know that psalm by heart but it's good to be reminded of what a SHEPHERD does to HIS flock.

anyways, after the service i had lunch with the choir people and proceeded to the hospital to visit my friend's dad afterwards. he has stage 4 cancer, but you won't see any sadness in him, in fact he even made us laugh....a lot. and he shared to us the goodness of GOD despite everything that's been happening to him. i was inspired. we stayed there till 7pm and really had fun. some people from our church's choir were also there and they sang and that's very comforting.

parted ways with my friends around 7:30pm and went back to church... that's where i received the gifts! ain't GOD gracious! :-)

TGIF

i had a good conversation tonight with the cab driver on my way home from work. he was listening to this christian station on the radio, so i asked if he's a christian, he said he's not but he reads the bible and listen to different types of preachers. he seems to know a lot about the Bible but when i asked him if he's already sure of his eternal destination, he said he's not. naturally, i asked what's keeping him from completely entrusting GOD with his life?... after exchanging questions and ideas, i discovered that his confusion/issue lies in the Trinity. i tried to explain it to him the best way i could and i pray that GOD will make it clear to him.

that short encounter with that man reminded me again of what our pastor said, "the distance from heaven to hell is just as short as the distance from your head to your heart." while knowledge is good, it's never enough to pave our way to heaven.

but when should knowledge/reason stop and faith or the heart to heart relationship with God begin? i think that it's good that u try to get to know GOD/JESUS first, just like in any other relationships. try to gather as much information as you can... then when you've reached the point when you think you know enough already that's the time when u should transport the knowledge from your head to your heart.

how? by talking to GOD about it. say based on your research you discovered that JESUS was sent by the FATHER as an atonement for our sins because we can't do it on our own... that our good works were not and will never be enough to get us to heaven. so, what should u do about this knowledge? why not thank GOD for this precious GIFT, ask for HIS forgiveness and accept HIS gift of redemption through HIS SON.

that's just the beginning. of course not all your questions will be answered n this lifetime, that's where you should apply faith. is it blind faith? no, because u already know enough about where u have put your faith on. it's like marriage, you don't know what the outcome will be but still you gave it a go because you love the person and u know enough about the person already. that's faith!

living life

haven't been on much lately, enjoying work. got sick also but i'm back on my feet again after resting for 2 days.

i miss seeing my girlfriends though, haven't seen them for close to 2 weeks already.

thanks for a great sunday

started the day with him on the phone... it wasn't a long conversation but it's a start and i sure loved hearing his voice again.

then i got numerous text messages from friends who wanted to meet up. had to cancel with one because going to church is top on my list and our schedules didn't allow us to go to church together. i ended up going to worship service with an old friend then we met up with another friend and went shopping afterwards.

after the shopping spree we ate, talked, ate and talked. i love spending time with this particular friend because we have the same struggles and we both have the heart for the mission. she's successful in her chosen career but she already have plans of resigning because she wanna give her time to GOD. yeah, some would think her crazy but at the end of it all the money and success that everybody seems to strive for in this life won't matter at all. it's all for nothing! and we're not meant to stay in this world forever, we're just passing through. this life will soon be over, we don't know when... and on final analysis, only what's done for Christ matters.

this i have to say, u can take away anything or anyone from my life, just leave me JESUS because HE's all that matters! and if there's a gift that i would want to share with someone, it'll be my LORD.

love u, DAD!

God's grace

i consider it grace that GOD doesn't (didn't) give me everything i asked for. the things that i've discovered lately only strengthened my resolve that i could really entrust my whole life to GOD. that HE indeed knows better.

years ago i fell in love with this guy that meant the world to me. i thought i couldn't live life without him. i prayed and prayed for GOD to restore our relationship but He didn't say yes and instead gave him to someone else and he ended up marrying that girl. i stopped going to church after that incident, thinking that GOD's so cruel in not giving me what i wanted.

but by GOD's grace again, i found myself looking for another church after years of not going to one. i got myself into trouble and made lots of wrong decisions during those times that i was away from GOD. but then HE led me to my new church, the one i'm still attending right now, and that's where HE started changing me.

GOD's showing me over and over again that HE could be trusted and that HE could run my life better than i could.

after knowing what had happened to my ex-bf's marriage, i really am thankful that GOD didn't give him to me.

thanks for the unanswered prayers, DAD! remind me always of the fact that U only have my best interest in mind. and thanks for the overwhelming feeling of joy, peace and contentment... knowing that YOU will never leave me nor forsake me. i would never trade YOU for anything nor anyone, FATHER!

corporate world

IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME, GOD IS OUT TO DO YOU GOOD.



my 1st day at work and boy, am i tired! but i love my new company, i know it's gonna make me grow in different aspects. it'll stretch me beyond my limits. and i want it!

sustain me, FATHER and help me to be a good testimony to all my colleagues. YOU planted me here, please make me grow and help me bear fruits.

old age?

i was advised to see the company's cardiologist, so in between worship service and small group today, i went to see the doc. it turned out to be a reality check.... yes, i'm not getting any younger. if my BP would stay the way that it was today, i would need to go on medication. but thank GOD it went back to normal tonight! i guess i was just tired and stressed when they took my BP today because i had to rush back to the clinic from the church. GOD is indeed good.

call this mystical or whatever u wanna call it, but today while in worship i again felt GOD right in front of me... embracing me and telling me that HE loves me just the way i am and that I am precious in HIS sight. imagining HIM coming down from heaven, being enveloped by the clouds moved me to tears. i am so looking forward to seeing that day!

this is one of the ways that i know my GOD is alive and that HE is a personal GOD and that HE is the ONE TRUE GOD... it's when HE makes me feel HIS presence despite the chaos.

thank you so much, LORD for saving me. for dying on that cross to save me from my sins and to give me an abundant life not only here on earth but more so in heaven.

between 2 buses

BUS # 1

1) it's a new bus

2) i don't know where it's headed

3) the doors are wide open and i could come in anytime




BUS # 2:

1) it's a familiar bus, been seeing it around town for years already

2) i know where it's headed

3) the doors are locked, not sure if it's gonna open to admit a passenger.


given these conditions, give me your answer! the poll's right above the entries.

heart strings

felt that old pull once again and all because of a text message that started before 6am and lasted till almost midday today.

mission accomplished

this has been a very lonnnnnnnng day but i've accomplished a lot. went to my college again to get my transcript of records and diploma. though i have graduated for what seems like eons ago already, this is the first time that i've seen my official school records.... feels great! :-) saw a lot of people also and they still remember me, even the photocopy lady. it feels good to see those people again and doubly good to be remembered though they see thousands of students everyday.

after school i went to my future (hopefully) company to submit the requirements. then after hours of waiting, they had me sign the employment contract and then the thousands (feels like) of tests for the medical requirements. thank GOD i was able to finish everything before 9pm. if everything turns out well with the medical tests, i'll start work on monday.

i'm still worried in a way but if this is GOD's will, then i'll make it through. i've been working for myself/freelance for the past 3 yrs already so being hired full time
will be a major adjustment on my part again.

pray for me.

the cost of obedience

many times i have repented from the same sin but kept on coming back... i know it grieves the heart of GOD to see me being constantly defeated by the same sin. last night i realized that this has got to stop. i can't go on living like this anymore. i will not go on leading a double-life. and GOD, as always, never failed me, HE will always maneuver the situations to accomplish HIS will. today HE sent me someone whom i could discuss this thing with, somebody who has been delivered from the same struggle. and when we prayed i know GOD was with us, i felt HIS presence. didn't HE promise that in HIS word, that whenever there are 2 or 3 gathered together in HIS name HE's there in the midst of them?

i know the battle's not yet over but the battle's not mine but GOD's. i may fail HIM again one way or another but i know He's just there to pick me up, dust me off and inspire me to keep on.

yes, following GOD will cost me self denial and it will hurt for sure but the cost of not following HIM will surely be greater. i don't wanna miss out on GOD's best plan for me.

as we have discussed in our small group today, anyone of us is not indispensable to GOD. HE has a plan, yes, and HE would give us the chance to participate in accomplishing this plan but if we don't want to obey, then it's up to us. but one thing's for sure, HE will accomplish HIS plan one way or another, with or without us. and the consequence of our disobedience is us missing out on HIS blessings that would've been ours had we obey.

thoughts to ponder : BELIEF IS THE ROOT OF OBEDIENCE. if you say that u believe in GOD and yet do not obey HIS word, then you're lying.

loving me

since my plan for the day had to be postponed, i went out and loved myself. had a haircut and pedicure!

i had to pamper myself because the heat's really getting too much to take, even for an asian like me. though i love my country this is one of those days where i couldn't help but wish that i live somewhere else... i wonder what it's like to be in europe on a day like this....

CHANGING LANES

things took another wrong turn or maybe it's more politically correct to say that i'm being forced to grow. my decision making skill is being tested again. i need to make another major decision and i really hope i make the right one. guide me, LORD.

but i'm not scared of change anymore, in fact i'm embracing it. my life has been kinda predictable for the past years. i wanna grow and be what GOD wants me to be.

BLESS ME, LORD!

and to start it right and to mark the changes i decided to move here from my old journal.

welcome to my new abode!