i knew it! happy (misty-eyed even) to see u still reading my so-called-existence after all these years. i sure wanna hear from you when you're ready for it, no pressure! :-) i wanna know what's going on with u. i wanna hear the lessons u've learned, the dramas, joys.... everything! nothing would be too trivial. ;-)
anyways, u keep on saying that i have a good heart. well, modesty aside... i also believe that i do but makes me wonder why 'he' (nobody in particular as of my writing this) couldn't see it. but maybe he did see it, it's just that he's not man enough to face up to whatever it is that comes with that good heart... ahhhh, the intricacies of a woman's heart. but GOD has me in HIS hands... i just have to wait and wait and wait.
i know am not making much sense right now and it's 'cause i'm hurting, figuratively and literally. i have a terrible backache, don't know what happened but it started on my chest, got into my back and stayed there.
and my heart's also hurting, figuratively, that is. let's just say that i got carried away by the tide for some time but is now back ashore. that short stint though taught me,at the very least, that there are still lots of fish in the ocean. but this one that i've had a short encounter with needs a little tete a tete but am still thinking about it... i don't wanna scare the hell out of him ;-)he's hurt me, yes, but he also got me ready to love again, to be open to other possibilities. it could've been him though, sad he doesn't like me.
last night when i told him that my back hurts, i was hoping that he would at least show some care... to come near me and offer comfort but he never did. some guy friends, who are not even christians, offered comfort but not him. and that washed me back onshore. good thing it happened this early though, instead of having me float in the vast ocean of nothingness. i can't afford to wait that long anymore.
anyways, sorry for taking this all out on you. wish we could talk. btw, do u still blog? or have u ever blogged? sorry, it's been years and my memory's not that good anymore. if u do blog, mind giving me the link?
so long, buddy! :-)
3 comments:
Hey Miss Engco,
I really was very surprized that you guessed right. It has been awhile. Anyway, I did blog but no more. Everything about me has wound down to a screeching halt and that by design. Two years ago I prayed for new relationships, new surroundings (California), new income, and new possibilities. (Quite a mouth full for sure) God is honouring that by winding me down in my present circumstances and preparing me for what lies ahead. In short, I am doing great thanks to the miraculous and wondrous power that belongs to the infinite/almighty God.
I wish I could just grab the bestest guy in the world and hand deliver him to you. (I'm sure you would do the same for me) Our hearts are very similar. I simply can't date and that much for the same reason you are afraid to date. My heart is vulnerable and I don't know if I can take another "hit" or not. The last almost killed me and that was 10 years ago. So, I work within the system as it was designed for me and I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that when the time is right she will come and she will be all that I dreamed. One day these words came across my heart ... "She's all of it". I'm asking alot from her and God will fulfill the desires. I call her my "Princess Warrior". Not an original term but fits perfectly.
Sorry, back to Miss Engco. Hate to be controversial here but I don't think we have a handle on all that the bible says. It says that women should keep silent in church and they are anything but these days and for very good reason. God never intended them to be silent and a great author proved what Paul was talking about and that verse was for that particular local body and not for forever. So, when it says that we will be like the angels not marrying nor given in marriage that seems pretty clear cut but I am saying maybe not. Just like the silent women thing. So, since you are like eternal, maybe if not here (but I think it will be) maybe in the "next thing". We box ourselves in too much and it causes stress and strain and undue apprehensions. God is GOOD! God is NOT a tease. Your desires are for a reason and that reason is so they can be fulfilled and if not here then there. Whew! Enough of that.
Well, in conclusion, I'll keep it right here for now. (Sorry) I just like keeping to myself and I really never thought that I would get "caught". I just don't write that much anymore and I didn't want to disappoint if I didn't write like we used to so anonymous worked. We'll do what's right so for now I'll check in sometimes and one time when I do you'll have left this blog because the fresh and new has happened and he was as fantastic as advertised and your new life has consumed you and the Muser is no more.
David
Hey,
Since I am officially "caught" I thought that I had better write again. Nothing much on my end but that's ok I'm in the loop of God's perfect will and at some point in time everything will change for the next thing.
I kind of apologize for writing from a distance. I just don't email anyone anymore like we used to email each other and I knew that those days are behind us so from time to time I would pop on your blog and just see what you are doing and write if I felt that I could somehow encourage. (I never dreamed that you would put two and two together)
Anyway, there will come a time when your days as the "muser" will probably fade away and your new life with the fantastic guy will take over and everything will change. I hope that for you.
Well, that's it for now. If I write again of course it will be as David.
God bless,
David
ain't i smart?! hehehe! glad to have u as david and not as an anonymous reader anymore. glad things are going well with you but i do believe that the best is yet to come.
wonder when my musings will end, but for now just let me be. :-)
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